Nothing much was happening today, my wife is at her dads house and im not working with it being bank holiday Monday, as usual there is rubbish on the telly, so I logged into paddy power for a few games to relax with and hope I got lucky. I played a few games and watched all the chat in the side page, Amber the chat host wrote about telling paddy about any stories, whether fun, silly, happy or sad.

What my wife Kelly and I have been through the last 2 weeks is one of the saddest times of our lives.
In 2002 Kelly and I tried for a baby, we had been together for 6 years, we were both working in Reading, Kelly was working in Karen Millen as a supervisor, and I had worked my way up to a managers role on the underground, we were very happy and felt the time was right to try for a baby.

The pregnancy was fine, I didnt miss an anti-natal class, gave in to all her cravings , blackboard chalk and parmaviolet sweets (in her mouth crunching at the same time) ha ha. Everything was great, until one night I was woken by Kelly shouting my name. Kelly was in the toilet and she was bleeding. I called an ambulance strait away, we were taken to the hospital, where they tried for 20 mins to find our baby’s heartbeat.

We named our baby Hugh Connor, he had died on the 4th August 2002. Hugh was 24 weeks gestation and they said the reason for his death was pre ecclampsia.

Nearly 5 years passed and we decided to try again, I remember the delight on Kellys face when she showed me the test kit with the strong blue line showing clearly she was pregnant. We were both overjoyed, we bought the cot, buggy, clothes, bottles, nursing pads, teethig gel, calpol etc etc…. everything!
Kelly’s family were excited as were mine; we were all so very happy.

Kelly was 33 weeks pregnant when she was complaining about heartburn, I went to the shop to get her some rennies, she called her midwife, and was informed that it was common for pregnant women to get heartburn and they would prescribe some rennies. Kelly noticed that there had been no movement from the baby for 6hrs, but felt ok as she felt a lump coming up below her ribs, that must be her head or her bum I remember her telling me. 6hrs later Kelly told me she was worried as she still hadnt felt any movement apart from that lump.
I took kelly to the hospital for a check up, even though I was missing the Chelsea v Man U final on TV.

The nurse put the heart beat monitor on Kelly, she couldnt find it, she said, its ok, maybe the baby is at her back and asked the doctor to bring up the mini scanner….. he tried for ages to find the heart beat, we looked at each other with tears in our eyes, knowing our baby was dead before they would tell us, kelly broke down, we both did, the nurses, took us away to another room so we wouldnt upset the other mothers in the ward.

We had been through this before, we couldnt believe this was happening to us again, but we knew what was coming, they gave kelly the 2 little pills that would induce labour. 6hrs later Kelly gave birth to our dead baby, we named her Scarlett Mae, she weighed 3lb 7oz and she was perfect, everything was perfect about her, her fingers, her face, her hair was dark like Kelly’s and her tiny toes needed her toe nails cut. The death was recorded at the registry office as placental abruption. This all happened on the 13th May 2008 and we buried my baby girl in a white coffin with butterfly pictures on in her own grave on the 23rd May.

Kelly tells me that she has the feelings inside that she should be holding something, feeding our baby, shes empty, there is something missing, stolen from her. I have tried so very hard to do everything for her, I arranged everything for the funeral, the grave, coffin, flowers, limo, vicar, the blessing. I give her hugs but she dosnt want them, I have bought her gifts, she dosnt want them, I want to take her out, she dosnt want to go.
I just dont know what to do now to help my lady get through this heartbreaking time of her life.

Thats my story, im sure it will go on, and things will not be as tough as it is now in time, but we keep asking ourselves, what did we do so wrong to deserve this happen to us twice.

RIP Hugh and Scarlett.

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