Helloooo again! Im back… with a few more grey hairs and blood pressure probably through the roof. Why? She’s back! The Mad Manc has returned to London to have another go at forcing us all to book ourselves into the Priory voluntarily and curl up in a corner hands over head rocking to and fro.

It started off just as always. I had been expecting her to turn up about 2pm and when she hadnt arrived nor made any attempt at contacting me by 2.30 I became rather worried. Even His Lordship was speculating where she was and was trying to coax me into calling her. I said I would do so once I had collected the kids from school. The kids were expecting a surprise when they got out and all the way home were excitedly questioning me on what their surprise was. Ben, as ever, thought I was buying him yet another engine to go with his massive collection of Thomas the Tank Engine toys whilst the others thought they were going to get home to a huge feast of Happy Meals and McFlurry’s. As we walked over the footbridge I tried explaining to them that their surprise did not consist of me buying anything, and that it was actually “quite old”. This left them all with extremely puzzled looks on their faces and as they all walked on ahead of me, excitedly discussing what on earth it could be, I saw something in a bush as I walked past. All of a sudden I heard this roarrrr and the Manc midget in a flat cap jumped out at us! I screamed and nearly bolted down the road, leaving me kids looking on in bewilderment.

I realised that if she could reduce me into a quivering wreck within 5 minutes of her arrival, the next 48 hours of her visit did not bode well! In the 7 hours between her arrival and her going to bed, she managed to chat up the man in the Off Licence across the road, played knock down ginger (knocking on front doors and running off) on 3 houses and wolf whistled two builders on a roof.

Dont get me wrong, she is like a big kid and I do feel like her Mum at times, and she does embarrass the life out of me, but on the other hand, you couldnt wish for a better friend. Shes there in a crisis, and shes dug me out of more than my fair share, shes a nan to my kids, which they are sadly lacking due to my own mums premature death 12 years ago, and she also knows when to back off. She taught me to accept myself for what I am, and is there when I have feelings of self doubt. She is also our one and only babysitter. Given the fact she lives 200 miles away, she drops everything if I need her. Ive been extremely blessed to have her in my life.

We’ve just been out shopping for a new dishwasher as mine rudely decided to pack up last week and as a result I currently have hands that resemble “The Thing”, and my kitchen looks like the after effects of Hiroshima. I admit I’m not the greatest when it comes to cleaning… Im certainly no Anthea Turner and a magnet on my fridge sums up my attitude to it perfectly… “Housework never killed anyone, but Im not taking any chances”. Sure I do what needs to be done, but theres always going to be dust under the TV and a few handprints on the woodwork but losing my dishwasher nearly broke my heart.

So off we went, on a mission to save my hands from dropping off and His Lordship from beaten about the head with a dirty frying pan for not helping. Sounds soooo simple, but my word it wasnt! Firstly, I picked one out, to find that the counter I needed to go at was unstaffed, so I had to trapse across the store to the help desk, to be told to go back. So off we went, plodding along as the Mad Mancs little old feet got more and more tired to we reached our destination. After 5 minutes, somebody finally decided to grace us with their presence and started to key in the code number of said dishwasher, only to then tell us that it was out of stock! By which time, she’s on the floor, shoes kicked off, waving her dirty feet in the air complaining that her feet hurt and would one of us call her an ambulance!!! I stood there horrified as she threw this “tantrum” so once I composed myself I picked her up and shoved a lollypop in her mouth and commanded her to replace her trainers. I apologised to the cashier before pushing her out of the shop at a huge rate of knots trying not to laugh. Omg never before has my gob been so smacked.

After deciding that I didnt want to continue in my quest for a new washer, I dragged her home, trying to distract her as we walked past the builders from the other night. I was praying under my breath that she didnt see them but ohhh noooo she had to! She stopped dead in her tracks, cupped her boobs and shouted out in an extremely loud bellow “Oi Oi get a load of these babies then!” I looked up at these men, a couple of older ones gawping down and started making suggestive movements back while a young lad nearly fell off the roof! I couldnt take any more and just ran, nearly slipping on some wet leaves in the process!

Once home I decided I would resort back to plan A and just buy one off the net and wait a few days for delivery so thats exactly what I did while I waited for her to return. Will make a note to myself in future, save ya legs - use the pc, specially when she’s with me!

She left for home about an hour ago, so Im just trying to recover and I shall be dying my hair this afternoon to cover all the grey bits that have suddenly started protruding from my skull in the last 2 days. I shall also resist the urge to hit the vodka bottle still sitting in my cupboard from last Christmas as I am working tonight. My only hope is my roomies will calm me down. Traumatised I am.

Only problem is……. shes back next week!!!!

This entry was posted on 2:43pm Friday, November 14th, 2008 and is filed under The Secret Diary of a Paddy CM. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. By commenting on this site you agree to abide by our terms and conditions.

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