Well, what can I say about the last few days? Not alot to be honest. The kids have managed to survive a week without complaining of feeling ill, which is a huge achievement where Josh is concerned. We secretly call him Dot (Cotton) as he has so many illnesses and ailments normally. If he hasnt pulled a muscle in his back, or has eye strain, headaches sore throat, malaria or TB, he has some other life threatening condition like a throbbing toe!

I must admit I’m feeling quite excited this afternoon. His Lordship is watching the football as I speak and they did an interview with Gary Barlow and Robbie Williams… TOGETHER! Could the rumours be true that they are trying to get Robbie for the next tour they are doing?? OMG if they are my tickets will be worth an absolute fortune. Why didn’t I buy more??!!!

Berry came out of school yesterday with a drawing that she did for me, of me and her holding balloons and on the back she had written “Happy Birthday Mummy, I love you xx”. I thanked her and then tried to explain that it isnt my birthday yet. She scrunched her face as she does when she is confused, and replied “But its November now”. Thus ensued me trying to explain that my birthday is only 1 day and November has 30 days. She seemed a little upset it wasnt yet, but cheered up when I said that if she was good, I may let her make me a cake on the day.

Shes such a little artist. I remember last year her teacher pulled me to one side and showed me a picture she had drawn. This picture consisted of 2 stick people, one big and one small, standing either side of a big ball of orange. When the teacher had asked her what her picture was, she replied “Thats me and Mummy when Mummy set fire to the kitchen!” I’m sure you could have heard my jaw drop to the floor. I pleaded my innocence of any such crime, until it slowly began to dawn on me that I had indeed set fire to the kitchen one Sunday lunchtime! The kids had wanted burgers in baps, and me being the Deila Smith that I am set about my challenge for that day. I grilled the burgers and then put the grill pan back and shut the door, then switched on the hob to fry a few onions. Only, after 5 minutes it still hadnt entered my head that the frying pan was still cold and there was smoke pouring out of the grill. As the smoke alarms started to scream out at us, I looked round to see an amber glow coming from inside the grill. Muppet here had switched the grill back on instead of the hob! What followed resembled the end scene of old Benny Hill programmes, with lots of people running about and no one having a clue what the hell they were doing! Good job I’m quite a laid back person and took it in my stride, wetting the teatowel and throwing it over the flames. On the down side, my cooker needed replacing and the smoke damage was quite bad.

Mind you… it wasnt as bad as the time Burt managed to set fire to the cooker. His Lordship was at the time in plaster, following a rather good evening out with his mates. In fact I think it was too good a night. He sent me a text message asking if I wanted a kebab, so I replied that I would, seeing as I had been working all evening and was starving. Three quarters of an hour later, in he staggers and just collapses on the bed, fully dressed. No kebab in sight. I didnt see the point in asking him where it was as I wouldnt have got a response and if I had I wouldnt have understood it through the murmering and dribble. In the morning we woke up and he was laying on the bed moaning his leg was hurting. He rang his mates to find out what happened but none of them knew either. Apparently one of them had to be carried to bed by his 16 year old son, another fell on his bed and broke it and the third threw up in the back of his taxi…. and they wonder why theyve all been banned from going out with each other anymore!

By mid afternoon, his lordship ended up at the hospital as the pain was becoming too much to bear and he returned about 9pm with his leg in a full cast. They said he had broken a bone in his ankle but he had no idea how it happened. To say I was not happy was an understatement. 3 weeks with him lording about indoors, expecting him to wait on him… not a chance!

Anyway, the following Friday night, I nipped out to get some food as I was too shattered to burn anything myself and I left the wrappers on top of the hob. BIG mistake! 4am we all woke to the smoke alarms shrieking out once more, the kids were all up trying to see what was wrong, I got up to have a look. As I peered down the hallway once again I saw that warm amber glow through a thick black fog. I ran into the kitchen to see that the bloody dog had jumped up at the cooker to get the take away containers and knocked the hob button on, thus setting fire to everything on it. Once again, my wet tea towel came into action as His Lordship stood at the door with his crutches looking on in amazement. I decided I would clean it up in the morning (and boy what a job that was!) so I put the kids back to bed and as we made our way back to our bedroom, he missed his footing and landed flat on his back. Funniest thing I had seen in ages!

This entry was posted on 2:21pm Saturday, November 8th, 2008 and is filed under The Secret Diary of a Paddy CM. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. By commenting on this site you agree to abide by our terms and conditions.

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