The Secret Diary of a Paddy CM - Monday 15th December
10 days to go!!! Ohh Myy Godd! 10 days! Where have the last few weeks gone? Stupid question really. Queues, queues and a few more queues. Endless queuing in Argos waiting to get to the cashier with that little slip of numbers, only to part with huge amounts of cash and then queue again to wait for them to bring the items out to you! And have you noticed… one item always goes missing!??!!
Also, there I was Thursday morning, queuing up outside Woolies with the rest of the vultures hoping to bag a bargain before it shuts down. I only bought one thing and that was because I was already getting it from there as it was cheaper than Argos and didnt want them so sell out beforehand! I cant understand this mentally of “oh it was 50% so I got it”. It may be 50% off but did you need it or were you intending on getting it anyway? The answer more often than not is “no”… so who bagged the bargain. The answer there is the shop… coz they got you to buy something from them that you wasnt going to buy!
I think Ive finally done most of my shopping now, thank heavens… although still have to get Berry and Joe’s birthday presents. That’ll teach me for having kids in December!
I dont know whether its the excitement of Christmas and all that, but my kids have been a complete nightmare recently. Josh’s gob is running away with him and his little brain is having trouble remembering he is still technically a child, despite the fact he towers me, and Im not exactly short! Joe has taken it upon himself to generally wind up all the others, from poking them until they snap, or hiding their toys, name calling, turning the tv over to blaming them for things that havent happened. Berry has found where Ive hidden the presents and has been trying to take sneaky peeks, and Ben….. oh boy where do I start?!! He has been helping himself to all the goodies in the cupboards, drawing on the walls, three times he has thrown my washing pile on the floor, he too has found the Christmas presents, but where Berry just tried to take sneaky peeks…. he just went the whole hog and ripped all the paper off! And then we get to last night….
Here I was, happily chatting in the Gold Room with me roomies, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure standing at the door. There stood Ben, wearing nothing but a permanent black marker pen! It was everywhere. He had drawn a goatie beard…. thick thick eyebrows the Gallagher brothers would be proud of, not quite sure what the marks under his eyes were though, squiggles all over his torso and big black spots on his arms and legs. To say I was horrified would be an understatement. This was the child I had bathed only a few hours earlier, the child who was due to go to his class Christmas party today dressed as a policeman… now he looked like he would be going as one of the Village People!!!
As soon as I finished work I was there.. in the bathroom… scrubbing and scrubbing his face. How he had any skin left it a miracle. I tried everything from soap, vinegar, diluted meths, aftershave and washing up liquid. I managed to get most of it off… now he just looks like he has a 5 o’clock shadow…. very Erik Estrada in Chips!
I know I’ve missed a child out, and Im purposely trying to forget about Alfie. He threw a tantrum on Saturday evening (which he could win an Olympic medal if it were an event), which had me nigh to tears. I can tolerate him shouting and screaming but when he barged past me, and called me something very very unpleasant and then proceeded to smash up his bedroom it kind of brought it to a head that I really have no control over my children. I had to ring His Lordship up to ask him to come home from the pub to deal with him. So Ive decided that things are going to change in the New Year. Ive got me Wonderwoman costume already hanging up in the wardrobe.
Alexandra won the X Factor… fairest result with the 3 left if you ask me but I really dont think JLS or Eoghan should have been in the final. The most interesting final would have been between Alexandra Laura and Ruth. Poor Simons head would probably have exploded before it got to the first commercial break!!
Telly is really pants right now. Gives us all a reason to switch on the pc and have a game of bingo, specially with the promotions Paddy is offering at the moment. I mean… a £200 jackpot each night in gold and the chance of winning £1000 extra each Monday just by winning a fair for all game??!! Not forgetting the free bingo games! Wow!!
I suppose I should finish putting the decorations up. Ive got the tree up now… which Ben is making his mission this week to destroy as soon as its assembled! Oh and Burt thinks its a lampost!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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